Ramblings

I think people find it weird that I've never been in a relationship. I think they find it odd or maybe scary that I've never had a first kiss or anyone to hold my hand. I wonder if they think I'm psycho or I have deep issues that need to be addressed. However, I think, I don't care.

I am not in a relationship because honestly, I am scared to be heartbroken. I don't want to find myself crying for someone that I know will not cry for me. I'm scared that I am going to yearn for his hand and one day lose it. I'm scared that I would have to hold on to memories of him and that they will slowly creep back on sad moments. I know it's so selfish of me to think of nothing but myself- but I also feel like I am saving him from a relationship that will end even before it started. I am not an expressive person. I don't know how to react when someone likes me-or maybe I do. I run away. I get awkward when someone does nice things for me. I don't know why or how this all happened but generally, I am a horrible person to be with.

But hey, sometimes I tell myself that the right person will come along and will love for who I am and the same goes for him. I will like him, love him and everything will just fall into place.

So to you, whoever you are, if I do choose to love you, you are one special boy.